Glossary
    of terms

Any relationship outside the monogamy 'norm. ' They take a wide variety of forms, including but not limited to ethical non-monogamy, consensual non-monogamy, polyamory, swinging, and being in an open relationship.

Asexuality is a spectrum. Here are a few terms to know Somebody who is asexual does not experience sexual attraction to anyone. A grey-asexual (grey ace/grey-a) person may experience sexual attraction very rarely or only under specific circumstances.

Refers to the particular way in which an individual relates to other people. The style of attachment is formed at the very beginning of life, and once established, it is a style that stays with you and plays out today in how you relate in intimate relationships and in how you parent your children.

Secure attachment; Anxious-insecure attachment; Avoidant-insecure attachment; Disorganized-insecure attachment

A power dynamic-based form of sexual play that stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism, and masochism.

When you have sex without using protection, like condoms.

An expression of an individual's identity or belief system. The limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships.

A consensual BDSM-related activity, breath play involves the restriction of oxygen to increase sexual pleasure or stimulate an orgasm. This is a risky behavior that requires extreme caution.

A sex toy that is inserted into the anus hence the term "plug" for the wearer's pleasure. They come in various shapes, typically resembling a teardrop, a penis head, a triangle, etc. The material also varies from plastic, to rubber, to glass, and sometimes they even vibrate.

Compersion is our wholehearted participation in the happiness of others. It is the sympathetic joy we feel for somebody else, even when their positive experience does not involve or benefit us directly. Thus, compersion can be thought of as the opposite of jealousy and possessiveness.

A small, sensitive sexual organ (part of the vulva) with thousands of nerve endings. Many people with vulvas need their clitoris to be stimulated in order to achieve an orgasm.

A word that means performing oral sex on a person with a vulva. You use your lips and tongue to stimulate the vulva-haver's genitals, oftentimes their labia majora (outer lips), labia minora (inner lips), and clitoris.

This occurs during a blow job and is when a person pushes their partner's penis all the way into the back of their throat (or as deep as they are capable of going). At times, this technique can result in gagging or vomiting for the giver.

A sexual orientation, demisexual is when you do not experience sexual attraction toward someone unless you feel an emotional connection with them first.

A technique where you get as close to orgasm as possible, or delay your orgasm for as long as possible, in order to ultimately reach a stronger, more powerful orgasm once you release it.

Emotional vulnerability can be defined as having the courage to take emotional risks, even when we don't know the outcome. It means showing up as our authentic selves and speaking our truth with no guarantee that we'll be accepted.

Also known as Consensual Non-Monogamy - a committed romantic relationship wherein all partners consent to sexual and/or romantic encounters with other consenting individuals. ENM/CNM can include but is not limited to polyamory, swinging, open marriage/relationship, solo poly, and relationship anarchy.

When you receive oral sex by sitting above your partner's mouth with your genitals on top of them.

This is when someone with a penis ejaculates onto the face of their partner.

When a person uses their finger to stimulate a person's vagina, clitoris, vulva, etc. This can be done until the vulva-having person has an orgasm or as a foreplay method.

Flogging or whipping is the act of beating the human body with special implements such as whips, rods, switches, the cat o' nine tails, the sjambok, the knout, etc.

The actions that often, but not always, act as precursors to sex. This can include things like making out or cuddling, as well as fingering or dirty talk. It's typically considered a large umbrella term, so the definition is fluid.

Typically, a form of sexual kink or BDSM dominant and submissive play, gagging is a consensual act, and is where a person is choked by a hand or object during sex.

Denoting or relating to a world view that promotes heterosexuality as the normal or preferred sexual orientation.

Play that is a sexual practice in which one person is struck (usually repeatedly) by another person for the gratification of either or both parties which may or may not be sexual in nature. It is considered a form of BDSM.

A kink is a type of "sexual taste." Kink encompasses sexual and non-sexual practices that are greatly stigmatized as violent, but in reality, serve to create lasting bonds.

When a person self-stimulates their own genitals, sometimes finishing in an orgasm.

A metamour is your partner's partner. For example, your wife's girlfriend, who's not romantically or sexually involved with you.

Monogamy is a relationship with only one partner at a time, rather than multiple partners. A monogamous relationship can be sexual or emotional, but it's usually both.

Refers to the societal dominant assumptions regarding the naturalness and normalcy of monogamy, where political, popular, and psychological narratives typically present monogamy as the superior, most natural, or morally correct way to do relationships.

Sex toys that are designed to gently clip to your nipples for both visual purposes and nipple stimulation. (The nipples have over 2,000 nerve endings each, making them a powerful tool for reaching orgasm.)

An open relationship means having more than one romantic or sexual partner at a time. It's an arrangement that both parties agree is non-exclusive or non-monogamous. As one or both partners engage in romantic or sexual activities outside the relationship, the arrangement's agreement aspect is key.

When your ex-partner continues to stay present in your life by liking your social media posts, watching your social media stories, etc., all with the goal of reminding you they're still around or sexually available.

The physical and emotional sensation experienced at the peak of sexual excitation, usually resulting from stimulation of the sexual organ, and usually accompanied in the male by ejaculation.

Group sex with multiple partners. For example, it can be in the form of a party where there are lots of people all engaging in various sex acts together.

When a non-penis-having-person performs penetrative sex with a partner while using a dildo strap-on. (This act is typically associated with heterosexual relationships.

Polyamorous people have multiple loving, intentional, and intimate relationships at the same time. Polyamory is a type of open or non-monogamous relationship that follows certain guidelines. Polyamory specifically refers to people who have multiple romantic relationships at the same time.

A word that people in polyamorous relationships created to describe the phenomena of CNM folks having enough relationships. When people are polysaturated, they have as many relationships as they can handle, and they do not have the time or emotional energy for another partner.

Having sex in a fast or speedy manner, usually with no foreplay or aftercare.

A noise that can come out of your vagina during sex. (And yep, it can sound like a fart.) It's when air is released from the vagina suddenly, and the sound is loud enough to notice. There is nothing wrong with queefing, and it is scentless.

Relationship anarchy is a way of approaching relationships that rejects any rules and expectations other than the ones the involved people agree on. This approach "encourages people to let their core values guide how they choose and craft their relationship commitments rather than relying on social norms to dictate what is right for you." People who practice relationship anarchy, sometimes abbreviated as RA, are beholden to themselves and only themselves when it comes to choosing who they conduct sexual or romantic relationships with and how they do it. Relationship anarchists look to form relationships with people that are based entirely on needs, wants, and desires rather than on socially mandated labels and expectations. Some central tenets of relationship anarchy are freedom, communication, and non-hierarchy.

May be formal or informal discussions that use restorative dialogue and questions and empathetic listening to guide people through reflection, problem solving, and repairing harm. As opposed to traditional methods of conflict resolution which focus on laying blame for rules broken and administering consequences, restorative conversations help identify the impact of the behavior and support the mistake-maker to take steps to make things better. They also create space for the person harmed to be central to the process.

While people's personal definitions of "rough" can vary, this term typically involves sex that incorporates certain forms of BDSM play or aggressive play and dirty talk.

This is a pre-determined word that partners use during sex to signal an end to the activity, no questions asked. In short, it tells your consenting partner that you've reached your personal limits and that you'd like to stop in the moment when you might not have the wherewithal to communicate that in other words.

Shame is a painful feeling caused by the consciousness or exposure of unworthy or indecent conduct or circumstances.

A sex position where two people give each other oral sex at the same time.

Lying down butt-to-back, when one person hugs the other from behind, cuddling and spooning them close into their chest. Partners can also have penetrative sex in the spooning position.

When liquid comes out of a person's vagina. (FYI Sometimes, it's watered-down pee.) This act is typically associated with orgasm.

A sex toy that includes a harness you wear around the hips and a dildo or vibrator that attaches into the harness. A strap-on is typically worn by non-penis-havers as a way to engage in penetrative sex.

This is when an ex-partner reappears in your life and tries to act like nothing has occurred since you last interacted.

When three people engage in sexual activity, often including penetration, together at the same time.

Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape or natural disaster. Immediately after the event, shock and denial are typical. Longer term reactions include unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships and even physical symptoms like headaches or nausea.

A trauma response is the reflexive use of over-adaptive coping mechanisms in the real or perceived presence of a trauma event. The four trauma responses most commonly recognized are fight, flight, freeze, fawn. 

This is a sex toy that vibrates and can help bring a person to orgasm. You can use it externally, or you can insert it into the anus or vagina, depending on the toy’s safety instructions.